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He spoke {MS FC thus} this with a voice so modulated to the different feelings expressed in his speech, with an eye so full of lofty design and heroism, that can you wonder that these men were [moved. They] <moved? They> looked at one another, and were unable to reply. I spoke; I told them to retire, and consider of what had been said: that I would not lead them [further] <farther> north, if they strenuously desired the contrary; but that I hoped that, with reflection, their courage would return.
They retired, and I turned towards my friend; but he was sunk in languor, and almost deprived of life.
How all this will terminate, I know not; but I had rather die, than return shamefully, -- my purpose unfulfilled. Yet I fear such will be my fate; the men, unsupported by ideas of glory and honour, can never willingly continue to endure their present hardships.
September 7th.
The die is cast; I have consented to return, if we are not destroyed. Thus are my hopes blasted by cowardice and indecision; I come back ignorant and disappointed. It requires more philosophy than I possess, to bear this injustice with patience.
September 12th.
It is past; I am returning to England. I have lost my hopes of utility and glory; -- I have lost my friend. But I will endeavour to detail these bitter circumstances to you, my dear sister; [and, while] <and while> I am wafted towards England, and towards you, I will not despond.
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