Essay 8, Of Marriage and Single Life
He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune;
for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue
or mischief. Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for
the public, have proceeded from the unmarried or childless men;
which both in affection and means, have married and endowed the
public. Yet it were great reason that those that have children,
should have greatest care of future times; unto which they know
they must transmit their dearest pledges. Some there are, who
though they lead a single life, yet their thoughts do end with
themselves, and account future times impertinences. Nay, there
are some other, that account wife and children, but as bills of
charges. Nay more, there are some foolish rich covetous men that
take a pride, in having no children, because they may be thought
so much the richer. For perhaps they have heard some talk, Such
an one is a great rich man, and another except to it, Yea, but he
hath a great charge of children; as if it were an abatement to
his riches. But the most ordinary cause of a single life, is
liberty, especially in certain self-pleasing and humorous minds,
which are so sensible of every restraint, as they will go near to
think their girdles and garters, to be bonds and shackles.
Unmarried men are best friends, best masters, best servants; but
not always best subjects; for they are light to run away; and
almost all fugitives, are of that condition. A single life doth
well with churchmen; for charity will hardly water the ground,
where it must first fill a pool. It is indifferent for judges and
magistrates; for if they be facile and corrupt, you shall have a
servant, five times worse than a wife. For soldiers, I find the
generals commonly in their hortatives, put men in mind of their
wives and children; and I think the despising of marriage amongst
the Turks, maketh the vulgar soldier more base. Certainly wife
and children are a kind of discipline of humanity; and single
men, though they may be many times more charitable, because their
means are less exhaust, yet, on the other side, they are more
cruel and hardhearted (good to make severe inquisitors), because
their tenderness is not so oft called upon. Grave natures, led by
custom, and therefore constant, are commonly loving husbands, as
was said of Ulysses, vetulam suam praetulit immortalitati. Chaste
women are often proud and froward, as presuming upon the merit of
their chastity. It is one of the best bonds, both of chastity and
obedience, in the wife, if she think her husband wise; which she
will never do, if she find him jealous. Wives are young men's
mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men's nurses. So
as a man may have a quarrel to marry, when he will. But yet he
was reputed one of the wise men, that made answer to the
question, when a man should marry,- A young man not yet, an elder
man not at all. It is often seen that bad husbands, have very
good wives; whether it be, that it raiseth the price of their
husband's kindness, when it comes; or that the wives take a pride
in their patience. But this never fails, if the bad husbands were
of their own choosing, against their friends' consent; for then
they will be sure to make good their own folly.
