There were no horses to be procured, and I must return by the
lake; but the wind was unfavourable, and the rain fell in
torrents. However, it was hardly morning, and I might reasonably
hope to arrive by night. I hired men to row, and took an oar
myself, for I had always experienced relief from mental torment
in bodily exercise. But the overflowing misery I now felt, and
the excess of agitation that I endured, rendered me incapable of
any exertion. I threw down the oar; and, leaning my head upon my
hands, gave way to every gloomy idea that arose. If I looked up,
I saw the scenes which were familiar to me in my happier time,
and which I had contemplated but the day before in the company
of her who was now but a shadow and a recollection. Tears
streamed from my eyes. The rain had ceased for a moment, and I
saw the fish play in the waters as they had done a few hours
before; they had then been observed by Elizabeth. Nothing is so
painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. The sun
might shine, or the clouds might lour; but nothing could appear
to me as it had done the day before. A fiend had snatched from
me every hope of future happiness: no creature had ever been so
miserable as I was; so frightful an event is single in the
history of man.
But why should I dwell upon the incidents that followed this
last overwhelming event. Mine has been a tale of horrors; I have
reached their acme, and what I must now relate can but be
tedious to you. Know that, one by one, my friends were snatched
away; I was left desolate. My own strength is exhausted; and I
must tell, in a few words, what remains of my hideous
narration.